Confused about how to satisfy my husband as he really likes oral sex and I don't

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Question and Answer Details

Name of Questioner

I   - Hong Kong

Title

Confused about how to satisfy my husband as he really likes oral sex and I don't

Question

My husband forces me to perform oral sex. I am very upset from the situation. I have been married for the last six months and my husband wants oral sex and it is disgusting to me. I cannot refuse because he feels bad. I often tell him that it is prohibited in our religion but he does not listen to me at all. Please help me.

I want to give him pleasure that in a way that is acceptable in Islam but I am not able to do so because he cannot have pleasure without oral sex. The other problem I have is that he comes home at around 2 o clock in the morning (from work) and wants me to make love daily at that time. Soon after he is satisfied, he ends up falling asleep. I am very confused and have nobody to share my problems with. What should I do?

Name of Counsellor

IOL Counseling Team

Topic

Sexual relations between spouses

Answer

First of all, we would like to provide for you a response from our Islamic scholars regarding oral sex. You can also visit this question/response by using the address: http://www.islamonline.net/fatwa/english/FatwaDisplay.asp?hFatwaID=33508

Question from Fatwa bank:

As-Salaamu`alykum wa rahmatul Allahi wa barakaatuh.I want to ask a rather sensitive question I feel embarrassed to say it verbally in front of Sheikhs and scholars. I hope that you will not be fed up to answer it; I hope your heart would open to clarify and elucidate it. The question is: Is it permissible for man, when having sex with his wife, to move his tongue over her vulva, or that she fellate his penis? Is it lawful for the wife to excite herself by moving her hands over her sensitive parts to stimulate herself sexually while the husband is having intercourse, so that both of them would fulfil his or her sexual gratification. And what are the practices one is allowed to do when engaging in sexual intercourse with his wife? I hope I will receive an answer to these questions. I voice my great thanks in advance.

Response: In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.

Sheikh `Ali Jum`ah, professor of the principles of Islamic jurisprudence at Al-Azhar University, answers:

Allah, Exalted and Glorified be He, says: "Your women are a tilth for you (to cultivate) go to your tilth as ye will, and send (good deeds) before you for your souls." (Al-Baqarah: 223) According to the interpretation of the Qur'an, the kiss is a prelude practice of copulation, and there is the Hadith that goes: "Let there be a "messenger" between you and your wife, and the messenger in copulation is a kiss."

It is lawful for the couples to practice any measures that will make them get sexual pleasure, however, they must avoid anal sex, because it is Haraam (unlawful). But concerning what is mentioned in the question like oral sex, it is lawful; the righteous ancestors practiced most of these forms of sexual gratification.

The Muslim husband should try to satisfy his sexual desires from his wife to prevent him from committing adultery or gazing at women. He should know that sex is just a lust that should be satisfied through legal means, and not an urgent need such as eating and drinking as the wanton West think. Allah Almighty knows best.
**end of fatwa response

Counseling response:
In order to maintain healthy sexual relations between spouses, there must first be open communication. Have you tried talking to your husband about how performing oral sex makes you feel? You have to let him know that you do not enjoy such acts and that it actually makes you sick. It is better for you to share your feelings with your husband than to keep them suppressed because then you will resent your relationship with him. You might even be turned off from engaging in any intimate relations with your husband if you do not communicate with him soon about this matter. Let him know that you are willing to work with him to find alternative means of pleasing him.

In addition, you need to let your husband know that having intimate relations daily at two in the morning is difficult on your physical and emotional health. He might be frustrated at first. However, if he is a kind and understanding man, then he will realize that intimate relations must be mutually satisfying otherwise the relationship will be unhealthy.

Also remind him that it is not easy for you to be alert and awake at such a late hour only to have him fall asleep soon after he is satisfied. Perhaps you can re-adjust the times when you have relations and try various times that are mutually satisfying for both of you.

Please do your best to talk to him and share your feelings with him. You have not been married for a long time, so be patient and insha’allah, over time, both you and your husband can learn how to communicate regarding such intimate matters.

Do keep in touch. And Allah (swt) knows best.








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